many pieces

This is one of those nights, with the first light of morning justcreeping over the horizon, that I contemplate my place in this world. When my world is fast asleepand I’m wide awake,it’s the silence that gets me.The eerie calm that has washed overeverything in the night.I find myself envious, because I’m not at peace. I’ve forgotten what that feels like. So I do the only thing I can  in theselong, lonely moments I grieve for all that has been lost. And I remain hopefulthat I’ll have another day to try again. But deep down, I know. I’ll fail again. Just as I’ve done for what seems like forever now.Failing has become a part of who I am. I know it would help  if I could just tell you how much I need you, but every time I try to speak no sound escapes. And that hurts me far more than it should. Far more than I should allow. But it does.Slowly chipping away pieces of me. I just wonder how many pieces are left. or they just imagination on my head.